Kon'nichiwa

After six hours on an Air Asia flight (the worst six hours of the year for me) we landed at Kansai Airport, built on an artificial island in the middle of Osaka Bay (of course it is!).  We finally cleared the long line at customs after we had declared we were not transporting camels and managed to get tickets for the last train into the city.  Running through the station we reached the train in time, armed with no money and a ticket to the wrong station!  After a brief panic we were told that the station we needed was on the same line and we made it to our hotel to spend a night in a capsule.  Our capsules turned out to be bright yellow coffins set out in bunks with an old school panel inside to operate an alarm and T.V.  It was as weird as I had hoped for and surprisingly comfy although earplugs turned out to be essential with the thin plastic walls.  Going for a shower the next morning also proved to be more interesting than normal when the men's shower block turned out to be a row of plastic chairs and bowls, each with its own shower hose.  There was also a Japanese bath to share afterwards although I declined this as my normally absent British attitude towards public nudity overcame my natural instincts. Hannah had a slightly more normal experience although the showers contained signs reminding her not to 'dump in the shower'!

Unfortunately this was to be our lunch

As the only ATM’s in Japan that take foreign credit cards are in 7-11’s we went in search of money and breakfast, successfully finding both before carrying on to Osaka Castle and the surrounding park.  A fun run was on and families were sat out on every patch of grass under the cherry blossom trees that were just starting to bloom.  Dogs sporting sun glasses roamed the park as well as some strangely dressed people that included two women dressed in school girl outfits and a host of men dressed as though they were in 1920's Chicago. With little English on the menus food was always going to be a gamble and lunch proved to be an epic fail.  Finding the least strange stall along the fun run we tried strange half cooked dough balls with what turned out to be squid inside, covered in a pungent fish sauce and mayo that made us feel a little nauseous. After recovering we walked to the centre of the park to the castle, a beautiful wooden building set on a mound that offered panoramic views of the surrounding area and the distant mountains.

One of the numerous arcades

Leaving the park behind we walked past a brightly coloured shop covered in Manga characters that had muffled music coming from inside.  Intrigued we entered, only to be confronted by a deafening wall of noise, cigarette smoke and lights. Hundreds of men were sat engrossed on gaming machines whilst waiters scurried about between the flashing machines.  These arcades were all over the area and each was full to bursting as locals whiled away their weekend. We discovered a more familiar way to spend our Sunday afternoon just around the corner as we strolled down a small side street full of small bars.  Each had traditional wooden panelled walls and just enough room to squash a row of stools around the side of the bar and hot plate.  At one end sushi was prepared and at the other meet was cooked on a hot plate and served as tapas whilst people sat singing karaoke and watching the baseball whilst drinking copious amounts of beer and Sake. We knew which pastime we preferred and we had a great beef dish and lager before heading out in search of dinner.  This was more successful than lunch as we sat down with a hot plate in front of us and had great fun cooking an Okonomi (a Japanese pancake complete with English cooking instructions) whilst enjoying the novelty of being in Japan. We were beginning to appreciate just what a weird and wonderful culture we had stepped into!  

Pornographic Monkeys & the Petronas Towers

The Petronas Towers

After our great time in Singapore I had high expectations for Kuala Lumpur and it did not disappoint.  It was a great mix of giant skyscrapers, lush green parks and colonial architecture with some of the friendliest people I have met.  The eclectic mix of Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus gives the city a really diverse culture and some of the best food in the world!  We spent a few meals gorging in Al Baik on cheap Asian food where Hannah was overjoyed at being reunited with Roti Canai, a traditional Malay flat bread with curry sources for breakfast.  In an area of the city called Bukit Bintang we met up with Clément and Katya and ate on the famous Jalan Alor where hawker stalls have set up along the road side with BBQs covered in skewers lining the road.  The highlight for me though was having a drink on the 33^rd floor of the Sky Bar, opposite the iconic Petronas Towers.  As a huge thunderstorm raged outside and darkness fell the towers were lit up in white lights making it one of the most impressive buildings we have seen this trip.

Afro Pigeons and a Rhinoceros Hornbill

Apart from enjoying the food and drink, the city was great to explore for a few days but the heat again made walking an arduous task.  We spent hours in the heat exploring the colonial heart of the city at Merdeka Square (complete with a very English cricket pitch) and the National Mosque where we dressed up as two of the ghosts in Pac Man as we sported purple robes and Hannah wore a Hijab.  We sought refuge from the sun in the world’s largest walk in aviary (a title also claimed in Singapore) which was full of giant pigeons sporting afros, hundreds of stalks and some amazing parrots.  Most of the birds have been bred in captivity and the artificial landscape created inside the aviary seemed to be large enough for them as waterfalls, rivers as well as the natural rainforest were all inside.  After being used as a bird stand by the parrots and seeing the magnificent Rhinoceros Hornbill we headed outside only to witness a truly horrendous pornographic act by two monkeys (message me for details).  The tone was lowered further when another monkey started masturbating next to us.  Despite the mental scaring that followed we couldn't take our eyes away from the heinous spectacle.  The two soldiers next to us seemed equally stunned by the events and we quickly left to find solitude and inner peace in the orchid gardens next to the aviary.

Visiting the National Mosque

Inside the Batu Caves

Having explored a Mosque and a Chinese Buddhist temple it was only fair to visit a temple to Malaysia’s third major religion so we went to the Batu Caves in the north of the city.  At the entrance to the largest caves was the imposing 47m tall statue of Lord Murugan, the second largest Hindu statue in the world  The north cave is over 100 metres high and 400 metres long and was worth the gruelling 282 stairs in the midday sun to see.  The temples inside were very bright and decorative and surrounded by Macaque Monkeys that ran around taking coconuts husks from the floor before scaling the sides of the cave and dropping them to break into bite size pieces.  They provided about an hour of entertainment until I was eventually shat on and we swiftly left to go back to the city centre.  At the station we had our palms read and after learnt that Hannah would live to 89 and have four children but I needed to be careful of fast transport until July - amazing how much you can learn from a few wrinkles! Having finally had my fill of monkeys in South East Asia we caught the express train to the airport, very excited to be travelling east towards Japan. 

The City of the Future

Singapore Marina

Known as ‘The Fine City’ (on account of its appearance and the number of fines handed out) Hannah was slightly concerned as we left Singapore airport that we might be leaving in five days slightly poorer than when we arrived.  These concerns were hardly allayed when within 20 minutes of arriving I had a sugar crash and promptly opened (exploded might be a better description) a packet of digestives over myself, the chair and floor of the spotless MRT system – a $500 fine if caught.  Despite an old women shaking her head in disgust she kindly gave me a carrier bag to clean up the mess and we hurried off the train to meet our friend Jono.  Now ranked as the most expensive city in the world and with the third highest GDP Jono had kindly put us up in his flat to save us the exorbitant accommodation costs.  We were even more grateful to him when he provided us with his bed, rather than putting us in the bomb shelter (as a legal requirement in case the Japanese invade again) that filled the corner of his apartment and is a legal requirement.  Through a small glass gate on his second floor apartment balcony we could step right into a large swimming pool – amazing for most people but again a problem for me as I happily stripped off on the balcony without realising I could be potentially fined $1000 for pornographic offences for being seen naked in your house.  The problem was that knowing this made me want to break more and more of the strict rules. We quickly realised it was probably for the best that we did not get the job we had applied for in Singapore!

Interaction with Chinese folklore

Obviously meeting a good friend from Mexico we arrived with the obligatory bottle of tequila and so Friday night can be largely written off from the point of view of a Blog.  Heading out on Saturday morning we went to the truly bizarre Haw Par Villa to start exploring the city.  Created by the inventors of Tiger Balm the theme park comically depicts stories from Chinese folklore, culminating in a hilariously gruesome depiction of the ten courts of hell. After we had spent the afternoon catching up in the pool with a few cans of Tiger we set off to sample Singapore’s famous night life.  At around £8 - £10 a pint however bottles of rum & coke were brought out for the evening (you can take the lad out of Newcastle but not Newcastle out of the lad) and armed with supplies we set off for the Gardens by the Bay, heading up one of the Super Trees with a small bar at the top.  The Super Trees have over 160,000 plants covering their metal frame and the bar sat some 16 stories high, offering amazing views across the bay and the unbelievable skyline of Singapore.  It was here that having happily journeyed through places such as Russia, Mongolia and China I experienced a massive culture shock – although the rum may have played a small part in this.  Although Singapore does not have the old grandeur of European cities or the hustle and bustle of the capitals of developing nations it is the first real ultra-modern city I have encountered. Singapore feels like a futuristic city and although it has been lambasted for lacking soul it seemed to have developed its own identity with modern architecture and consumerism balanced by a cosmopolitan population bringing with them ancient cultures and traditions.  We spent the whole evening strolling staggering around the Marina Bay whilst I took a million photos (most of which are a little blurred) of the spectacular water front before heading back.

Singapore's skyline from the Super Tree Bar

Cooling off in the Botanical Gardens

Singapore is like a modern version of Istanbul with its mix of cultures occupying districts around the city and it can feel like you are hopping between countries as you walk through the different areas.  Little India, China Town and Arab Street can all be found in the city centre and we spent Sunday recovering with a walk around the botanical gardens and an exceptional curry in Little India.  Recently made a UNESCO site the 156 year old gardens were a little different to a Sunday stroll back home –tropical plants rose up all around us and giant monitor lizards walk through the thick vegetation!  We followed this walk up on Monday with a 10km slog through the heart of Singapore’s parks.  Starting by climbing Faber Hill for views across the city we headed through various parks filled with primary rainforest, canopy walk ways and monkeys as we made our way from park to park (all for free).  Unfortunately I was not able to feed any of the monkeys (although a $5000 fine can be applied to this) and we got back to the flat exhausted as temperatures had soared to over 40 degrees and over 90% humidity. 

Crossing the Henderson Waves Bridge between the parks

The Super Trees of the Bay Gardens

Our final day was spent exploring some of what we had seen on our Saturday night out (although this time sober) and taking a look around Arab Street.  A giant Mosque was set against a back drop of towering sky scrapers and shops full of Persian rug shops and beautiful Turkish lights, adding to the unique blend of Singapore.  Any food you could possible want from around the world can be found and we sampled some fantastic Middle Eastern food before heading into what is surely one of the world’s most exclusive shopping centres on the Marina.  Feeling slightly out of place in my linen pants and t-shirt soaked with sweat (100% humidity!) we walked past a Lamborghini showroom and countless jewellery and designer clothes shops that Hannah assured me were pretty fashionable.  Leaving the shopping centre on a bridge that went through the heart of the Luxury 5* Marina Bay Sands Hotel we arrived into a series of perfectly manicured gardens from around the world that also contain huge domes housing a cloud forest.  We were suitably impressed.

Despite being the opposite of most things I look for in a place I had been left blown away by a city that is surely helping to lead the way for our future.  Although incredibly harsh (is the death penalty necessary??!!) the strict laws mean crime is very low and the standard of living, drive for green energy and incredible public spaces left me feeling I had glanced the future of tomorrows super city’s.   

Little India

Arab Street

Life on the Mekong Delta

Having seen the Mekong River in Myanmar, Thailand, Laos and Cambodia it felt fitting that our final stop in Indochina should be spent exploring the delta region of one of the world’s great rivers.   Unfortunately the easiest way to do this was through an organised tour so it was with slight reservations that we set off with our guide, Tin Tin, on a three day tour of the region.  Sounding like he was straight from South Park he insisted on shouting for the first 40 minutes of our journey south but mercifully this proved to be the exception rather than the norm.  The Vietnamese had clearly been taking lessons from the Chinese on tourism and our attempt on the first day to see life on the river was restricted to playing dodgems on a traditional rowing boat with the packed crowds, fending off hawkers selling local products and a crocodile farm. Thankfully a lovely couple, Emir and Agne from Bosnia and Lithuania cushioned a difficult day with a few beers and helped us to keep our sanity!

A boat full of Pineapples

Over the three days we spent in the delta we caught fleeting glimpses of local life in between the shops that had been set up for the tour boats. Despite the drawbacks of the commercialised tour the people of Vietnam were incredibly warm and welcoming and it was interesting to see life pass us by on the river. In the town of Can Tho we spent time exploring the daily floating markets.  Decaying wooden boats were full to bursting of local products as wholesale buyers drew alongside the boats in their own vessels to begin intense negotiations. The boats where full of exotic fruits as locally grown dragon fruits, pineapples and durians spilled from the holds. Heading north we stopped in the less developed Chau Doc, a small town situated on the Cambodian border.  We spent most of our time sitting in the pool of an expensive riverside hotel watching as boats piled with building materials navigated the river alongside fisherman in small canoes.  The river here was lined with floating houses (houses on stilts set in the river) and we saw one house being tugged along the river to a new site as the owner sat out on his porch.

Moving house Vietnamese style

Each town had a huge fish market with piles of dried fish set out on wooden stalls alongside tanks full of crabs and cat fish.  The smell was often nauseating, as were some of the conditions for the animals as most of the fish were often alive on metal trays and the crabs were tied up by elastic bands and piled on top of each in small containers.  Searching for something other than fish for dinner we found a restaurant set up by a random Englishman in Ha Tien.  Despite his best efforts the Full English looked close enough to the real thing to remind me of what I was missing back home without quite achieving the standards set by the £3.25 Weatherspoon’s breakfast.  We were at least treated to one of the worlds worst musical performances along the water front on the way home!

Over 70 million people’s survival is intimately linked with the Mekong and it is now managed by the Mekong River Commission.  We have seen first-hand the huge construction projects in every country where governments are hoping hydroelectric dams will solve the regions energy shortage and rising CO2 emissions. We have also seen the impact this has had on ecosystems, the fisherman and rice paddy fields as it is estimated the average flow of the river has been reduced 10% over the past 30 years.  Seeing how important the river is to each nation’s industry, agriculture and tourism it is difficult to see how conflict between the nations can be avoided with the huge changes that are happening along the Mekong River.

From Ha Tien we caught the phallic shaped ‘Super Dong’ fast boat to the Island of Phu Quoc for a final few days of rest with Hannah’s mum before the end of her holiday.  We enjoyed lounging around by our beautiful pool , drinking bottles of rum for $2 and attempting to play scrabble, although the words became slightly dubious as the rum took hold.  After realising my plane home was on a propeller plane (how are these still used in the 21^st Century??!!) I decided to forgo the 45 minute flight for a painful 12 hour boat and bus ride back to Ho Chi Minh to catch our flight south to Singapore.

The Tunnel Rats

Arriving into Ho Chi Minh City we were greeted with a cacophony of sound, colour and scooters, a far cry from our two weeks of slumber in Cambodia.  With Hannah’s mum arriving from the UK for two weeks we had planned a gentle introduction to the city, with a few days of exploring the streets to help her get her bearings and recover from the flight.  Having managed to smuggle three wheels of cheese and some cakes (miraculously) with no damage through customs she was a most welcome guest!  A little like other developing cities in South East Asia such as Bangkok most joy can be had watching the world go by rather than attempting to tackle the insane roads, crumbling pavements and searing heat.  Watching some of the five million scooters in the city and trying to see how many people can fit on a bike (five is the current record) whilst sipping a cold 333 beer passed a lot of time during the heat of the midday sun.    Alongside French colonial relics new high-rise buildings are transforming the skyline although much of the new found wealth in the city still resides with a minority (Vietnamese Communism would appear to have mistranslated the Communist Manifesto).  People hawking lottery tickets and cigarettes from suitcases mingle with limbless men on crudely built carts whilst huge SUV’s intimidate everything in their paths. 

Shopping Vietnam Style

It was a strange but very captivating city which caused problems when ambling aimlessly along, staring at the chaos unfolding around you.  Apart from the deep holes that litter the pavement the biggest danger facing us were the scooters that drove up every pavement and ignore every traffic sign, causing us to have nightmares about dodging demonic Vietnamese drivers (similar to how the Americans felt I guess!).  Only Hannah’s mum seemed un-fazed by them as only old people can.  Waving away every horn and glare with a few choice Anglo Saxon words and hand gestures she ploughed on with her chosen course forming an island in a tide of onrushing scooters, much to our fear and amusement. 

The concealed entrance to one of the tunnels

Leaving the city behind for an afternoon I headed to the legendary Cu Chi tunnels, home to a significant Vietcong presence during the war with America.  Over 250 km of tunnels were built in the area (one even went under the US military base) with tunnels dug at 4, 6 and 10 metres in depth.  Vietcong fighters would sometimes have to live underground for weeks at a time alongside scorpions, snakes and fire ants.  Our guide had given himself the name Tony although he was previously known as Sergeant Dao, a Tunnel Rat from 1966 – 1972.  Having spent six years keeping the Americans out it was slightly ironic that he was now guiding them into the tunnels but he was a very enthusiastic and eccentric guide. With his terrible English (he was an interpreter apparently) Tony told us anecdotes of his time in the war.  He had to crawl into the American camp to steal used toilet paper, copies of Playboy and clothes to put in the air vents to stop German Shepherd Dogs from discovering the entrances by confusing their smell.   He also explained how a friend had been ‘squashed’ from the pressure created from hundreds of B52 bombs that fell around them as he was sat up against a tree.  To combat this he used to stay above ground and rest in a hammock.  Rather than suffering the same fate as his friend he was swung around and around by the force of the bombs.  It was not all bad though, he explained whilst smiling, he had 7 girlfriends in 7 different villages at different tunnel entrances to help keep his spirits up!

Nowadays the tunnels have been widened and reinforced with concrete to give you a taste of life underground.  Even with the modifications a number of our group were a little too nervous or a little too wide to enter the tunnels (much to Tony’s amusement).  It was a strange experience crawling 10 metres underground and a little unnerving.  There was an opportunity to descend into and crawl through a tunnel of original size although having dropped down into the hole I was too big to fit through the rest of the tunnel.  Above the tunnels are some of the gruesome booby traps that ultimately contributed to the collapse of American morale helping cause the withdrawal in 1973.  

Wanting to explore more of the southern tip of Vietnam we left the city behind and headed south to the Mekong Delta and the disputed territory of Phu Quoc Island.

Not a Single %£*! was Given That Day

Our plan for the remainder of our time in Cambodia was to get bored.  A slightly strange plan but after nearly eight months of constant stimulation (not to be confused with arousal) from all kinds of extravagant religious erections, bloody historical feuds and peculiar cultural happenings we wanted a break.  With a golden beach, an excellent Italian restaurant and crystal clear waters Otres seemed to be the perfect place to do it. We were also guaranteed peace and quiet as we were far enough down the social pecking order that seemed to have been installed by the endeavouring young hippies that we were safe in our anonymity.  Seemingly trying to escape social conformity in their own countries they had ironically created a new order with social standing not coming from physical beauty, intelligence or wealth but instead from a strict criteria of;

a.       The number and size of horrific tattoos emblazoned on your body

b.      The length and squalidness of your dreadlocks

c.       The quantity of cigarettes smoked per 10 minutes

d.      How many life changing experiences you had when finding yourself backpacking

e.      The dirtiness of your clothes

The track behind Otres beach 

Despite scoring high marks in the final category the 30 year old version of me failed miserably to fulfil the standards set and we spent eight days in splendid isolation swimming, eating copious amounts of pizza and reading to our hearts content.  Although the occasional local got carried away and decided to hold a mini festival in their bar until the early hours (7am) it was incredibly relaxing.  The most stressful decision of the week was to decide what combo to put in my toasty and what time it was acceptable to have a beer.  Over the week it seemed to get hotter and more humid, so much so that we even saw a ginger with a sun tan (although this may have been a mirage).  My favourite part of the day was at sunrise when the moon and sun were reflected perfectly in the flat waters and the beach was deserted save for a few people who had decided the best thing to do on a beach was to go for a run (mentalists).  I watched on most days with a full English and a coffee and puzzled over the motivation to run on a beach rather than swim in the beautiful waters.  I failed to reach a conclusion. 

Sun rise over the Gulf of Thailand

..... and sunset

John leading us along Kep beach

After eight days we had achieved the sum total of our ambitions (bugger all) and we felt sufficiently recharged to carry on our journey through Cambodia. We headed three hours east along the coast to Kep, an old colonial resort for the French that had become another victim of the Khmer Rouge (despite its recent resurrection).  Set next to a protected jungle on the coast and housing a quaint beach and town it was even more laid back than Otres had been.  We stayed for $10 a night in a beautiful bamboo bungalow on a project where an American had built a school to help locals regain traditional art skills that had been eradicated under Pol Pot.  Rising early one morning we set off for a walk through the jungle to the beach, accompanied by a dog called John that had decided to adopt us for the day.  Thankfully we completed the 15 km shortly before midday as the heat had become unbearable but unfortunately John abandoned us 3km from home at the famous crab market.  We felt a little guilty about eating a crab as they were taken out of a tank and placed onto the BBQ alive so we headed back towards our bungalow for lunch and shade.  We were making use of a pool in a more up market hotel along the track from us when John appeared drinking water from the Buddhist shrine in the hotel reception area. 

Kep National Park

The Royal Palace in Phnom Pen

For our final few days in Cambodia we had Hannah’s birthday to celebrate and so we said goodbye to our bungalow and checked into a nice hotel in Phnom Penh for a few days.  It stirred memories of a time when soap, hot water and toilet paper came as standard when staying in a hotel!  Continuing the theme from Otres we spent the few days relaxing by the pool (and drinking very strong cocktails) although I did manage to go for a walk around the city.  I quickly learnt why people do not walk in Asia as the heat was unbearable after an hour.  A lot of Phnom Penh is being rebuilt through charitable donations and plaques are on a lot of the university and state buildings around the city centre showing the various contributors. Adverts for aid groups dominate the centre, notably those warning of child slavery and trafficking.  One of the most popular restaurants (and our favourite), Rondeng, is part of an alliance that trains orphans and people in need to work in catering, using the profits to help support families and children with education and developing new skills for work.  With our VISA due to expire and feeling rejuvenated and enthusiastic again to start exploring Vietnam beckons for the next step of our trip.

Hannah received for her birthday a voucher for Lend with Care, a great organisation that loans money to entrepreneurs in developing countries for everything from tuc tuc maintenance to buying pigs.  If you have spare money in your bank it is a great way to help!